Daily Diary - July 9th 2016

yeah im still alive
yeah im still with that same boyfriend
yeah i guess im still writing/roleplaying

ive made some new friends like brix and kept old friends like sira and sam and friends from rave club euphoria.
theyre all really nice and try to do whats best for me. i dont use skype as often; instead i use discord n etc..


even with all these new friends and experiences

i still want to die
i still want to not exist

i still dont want to drive; and the nightmare isnt the only reason.
if i got a car i'd drive away and never come back. probably drive off a cliff and die on purpose

im doing bad im oing really bad

im tyring not to self harm im really trying but its getting harder. i need some kind of release and i dont have anything.

im working 930 to 3pm every day except on saterdays

why why dont you work more? oh i dont know its because maybe im fucking staying outside in the fucking sun all day; and im exhausted from sitting there athcing people. my ass falls asleep; i fall asleep; and i have to tell kids to stop doing things multiple times. i become exhuaste dmentally and half the people like me the other half hate me. its a mess. my bosses are rude and passive agressive. they jump onto me begging me to work more hours any chance they can get and get upset when i give an unhappy yes.

i just want to find some kind of job that ill enjoy to some extent or rsomething.

i didnt think i would live this long. i was suposed to die a long time ago back in 3rd grade or something. when my lungs filled with water that fall/winter.  my bones hurt and crack and i feel awful every day.

feeling nothing would prob be beter than this. if anyone else lived in my body they would probably have killed thjemselves already.

im so exhausted from life i want to die

maybe till next time

~Anna